You get worked (drunk blog)

I've had a falling out with three people I consider close in the past few weeks. Two of them in the past week or so. Obviously, it's something I'm doing to push them away. I get that.

But I can't be anyone but who I am. I can try to be better every day. Some days I fail. Some days I don't. And some days, like today, it's enough to just hold steady.

Today was a little rough. There was an earthquake about 200 miles from where I live in Dayton and it blew up the entire show. Breaking news is always fun because it's a mile a minute and time passes very quickly. But on the other hand, it's really stressful because it's a mile a minute and it's not uncommon to have 30 seconds left in a commercial break and have no idea what we're doing next.

After the week I've had with the fallings out and today's stress, I needed a beer. I'm a little drunk writing this, but I think that's just fine.

So anyway, back to the girls. One, who I'll call H wasn't that big of a deal. We would get together, watch baseball, drink beer, eat unhealthy food and have sex. Was nice but we didn't really connect in a deep way. I need a more girly girl. The sex was good, and it will be missed, but I've lived without it since the ex and I broke up, and I lived.

Now, the second, I'll call M, is a lot bigger deal. I've known M for about 2 years now. I met her about 6 months into my relationship with Michele. We were broken up at the time and M and I started flirting pretty intensely. Michele and I got back together and her and I always reminded friends. Now that I've started looking for jobs, things had gone farther. She always said she wanted to be with me and now that it's a potential option, she's freaking. Suddenly there's interest in her ex and all that. I have pretty serious feelings for her which I started to let develop when this looked like it was going to be a real possibility.

And now it's not. Don't get me wrong, she wasn't playing games. I trusted her completely and I still do in a way. She's one of the most genuine people in the world. I'm just trying to figure out what the hell happened. I dunno.

Any suggestions?

-M