The end

Well, I think I can finally say the things with the ex are over. As I've posted, we've been talking on and off. More off than on. On weekends usually I'd get texts to the effect of "It's amazing how much time you can manage to spend apart even in a one bedroom apartment" and "I'm trapped in this awful relationship" and of course the pictures. The basically naked pictures. The "I thought you would appreciate these" pictures.

All of that ended tonight. I was woken up by a call from her. She was listening to me as I said "Michele?" Me, being the romantic that I am, sent her a "<3" She texted back with a "Hi" and I sent three back. "Hi there." "Whats up" and "When you're ready, I'm here"

Well, being that I hadnt heard back from her, I went back to sleep when I was awoken by another call 40 minutes later. This one laced with every awful thing she could say to hurt me.

Don't talk to me anymore
You've caused too many problems with a boyfriend I'm happy with
It's never going to happen
It's over
Loser.

Now, I'm not a smart man. I've never been super experienced with women being nuts. But I like to think I'm a study of human behavior. And to me, this is way out of left field. Way the fuck out of left field. I'm so fucking hurt. I don't even know what to say, really. I don't know how to process this. How do you do that to someone who has been there for you for four fucking years when you haven't done things to deserve it? Fuck you. Seriously.

As I told her. I've been having dreams about falling and the last thing I try to do before I hit is get in contact with her. And now, the last thing I would do is ever get in contact with her again.

Fuck her.

If love is just a joke then why aren't we laughing?

Heard from the ex again Friday night. Went through an entire week of texting her with no response and around midnight got a text that said "I'm trapped in this terrible relationship". And we talked for a bit. Me more than her. Did the normal thing where I told her how much I wanted her and she told me more about the relationship. Her boyfriend made her quit her job so she's relying on him now. She understandably feels trapped by him. I want her here now. I do nothing but think about her. It's very obvious to me after four years I'm still as in love with her as I've ever been. I'm making excuses for how she's treating me. Maybe justified. Maybe not. I dont know if she's having trouble letting me in again, using me when she needs me or is just shutting down completely. I'd never let myself get into the situation she's in but I can see how she feels right now. I just want to help her whether we end up together or not. I love her. That to me means I want her to be happy no matter what. But I know I'd do anything to have her right now.

Live blogging 3

McCain just said he wants to put everyone's health records onlne... If hackers can hack their way into the pentagon, how could those records ever be safe? So out of touch

Live blogging

9:38 social security is going to be bankrupt within 30 years, think the guy who is 72 is really going to fight for it or the guy who is 47?how can we expect a president to lead us in the 21rst century dominated by technology that doesn't know how to send an email or work the google?

Live blogging the debate

9:30- John Mccain doesn't answe questions. Obama threw an elbow early... Beautiful. Why doesn't McCain get that enrgy independence is the key to rebuilding our economy?

Pre-debate thoughts

Peter - "Hey Lois, look it's the two symbols of the Republican party, an elephant and a old fat white guy who's resistant to change."

Another day with nothing from the ex. I'd like to think she's busy with work and trying to figure things out and is coming around to the fact we should be together but I'm not holding my breath.

But it was a good day at work. Best one yet. Shows went really well except for our producer being an idiot per usual. I just don't understand how someone can keep making the same mistakes over and over again.

Unless you're in love.

Yup, I'm a cavalier

So, they offered me the job and here I am in Virginia. I haven't been able to get online to post but I just download an iPhone app which let's me post.

Virginia is great so far. I live near a college campus so the scenery is pretty nice :) I live with 3 people and they seem pretty cool so far. Haven't had any major problems with any of them. I just got back from a trip home and brought back some delacacies from home. Comfort food you might say.

The girl that I had a kind of close friendship with for a few years and I met up and nothing really happened. We hooked up and the sex was pretty decent. Nothing to write home about. We're still friends but I doubt anything further happens.

Which brings me to the ex. One night out of the blue we were talking and she sent suggestive pictures. Later on we were flirting heavily telling each other what we'd to to each other and such. She told me to jerk off to her, which of course I did.

We of course did the whole dance about getting back together and she shot down the idea. I poured my heart out to her over the weekend to which her response was "you've gotta stop..." as odd as it may sound, the dots on the end of that gave me hope.

Later on yesterday she asked me if there was a huge game on tv but she had planned something planned for us or something planned if I'd skip the game... Of course I said yes. And to be honest, my eyes would never leave her.

Unless Ohio st. was playing Michigan :)