Ho Ho Ho and a big fuck you

Hello, all. Sorry about the lack of posting in the past month. Absolutely a ton has gone on. First, and biggest thing being, I found myself a pretty nice lady. We're in a very happy relationship. She lives about an hour away so we're making an effort to see each other a few times a week. I usually go to her city during the week and she comes up and stays on the weekends. Right now we're apart because of Christmas. She's up in Mass. right now with her family going nuts. We're texting every 5 seconds telling each other how much we miss each other. She was going to drive to my home town from where she is a few days after xmas (about a 13 hour drive) to be with me while I'm on vacation and to attend to a wedding I'm an usher in. How amazing is this girl? We finally found a cheap flight so she's going to fly out that same morning. I'm taking her home to meet the family about a month after we've been dating. I think that, more than anything speaks to how much I like her. Honestly, I love her. And I havent said anything yet because we've both been in some crazy ass relationships in the past and have some walls. I dont want to freak her out. We're going to be together on New Year's Eve and I think I'm going to tell her then. I have a little mental image in my head of kissing her at midnight and whispering in her ear that I Love Her. I cant wait! If we dont kill each other after about 20 hours in a car together, aI don't think anything can stop us.

Michele is out of the picture. She tried to send pictures and be flirty and such. The new girlfriend told me to tell her that Michele could fuck me, but she had to fuck my girlfriend first. Yes, that's how cool my girlfriend is.

I'm the happiest I've ever been. Ever since I moved here my mindset that this was just a stop on my way back to Ohio. I don't know about that anymore.

-M

Last year's wishes are this year's apologies

From time to time my mind will wander back to my ex, Michele and I'll not be able to think about much else for a few weeks. I drift off during work. I lose sleep at night. Last night I couldn't fall asleep for about 2 hours and ended up being late for work.

Michele and I had a long, difficult break up. We were together for around 2 years but off and on for the last year and a half. Between her ignoring me and us fighting, there was a lot of wasted time. In theory, we worked. She lived 4 hours north of me and we would try to see each other at least once a month when finances and schedules worked out. Other times, we texted, chatted online and talked on the phone as most couples do. Granted, I was more into the relationship and wanted to talk more than she did. She's pretty independent and I'm pretty insecure.

I'm not too entirely sure what went wrong. It wasn't cheating. She told me after we broke up about that, but it wasn't the reason we broke up. Not the big reason I suppose. I know I wanted more. I wanted her to move down here or me up there. I'm very close to my family but I know I was willing to give up everything down here and move up there if we could be together.

She's not all bad, of course. She's young. Not ready for what I thought I was ready for. I don't blame her for not wanting all that. I do blame her for how all of it went about, though.

But there's a part of me that still wants her to be around. I emailed her the other day and told her I still wanted the lines of communication to be open. She doesn't deserve it. She didn't deserve all the chance I gave her to make it right. But I'm a sucker for her and still keep going back. And while this isn't a play to get her back (she's with someone and I'm happy she's happy), I just know I felt a lot better when she was in my life and I know I could talk to her.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

-M